Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: A Punch To Your Childhood

Emily Fleming Emmy Fleming
Contributor
August 17th, 2016

A proud nerd, born and raised, inheriting her love of all things geek from her father. Comics lover, writer, artist, chainmailler, cosplayer, binge watcher, and baker of incredible chocolate chip cookies, not to brag or anything.

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: A Punch To Your Childhood
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On August 17, 2016
Last modified:August 17, 2016

Summary:

With its wacky plot, uncharacteristic characters, and insanely inaccurate time-line, it reads more as a poorly thought out fan-fiction than an actual part of the Harry Potter series. I'm just going to pretend the books ended at seven and ignore the fact that I ever read this disjointed train wreck.

Price:
Sad

Reviewed by:
Rating:

1
On August 17, 2016
Last modified:August 17, 2016

Summary:

With its wacky plot, uncharacteristic characters, and insanely inaccurate time-line, it reads more as a poorly thought out fan-fiction than an actual part of the Harry Potter series. I'm just going to pretend the books ended at seven and ignore the fact that I ever read this disjointed train wreck.
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MORE NEWS FROM THE WEB

No. 1: Papa  Voldemort

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

Credit: Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows

The biggest WTF moment by far in all of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child was finding out that Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange spawned a child. Let's look at this for a second. The guy is technically dead and looks more like an alien than a person at this point. Long gone is Tom Riddle, the handsome young man replaced with a grotesque snake hybrid. With a corpse-like pallor, red eyes and no hair or nose, I seriously doubt there is anything functioning down below. Even if he still has his manhood, Voldemort seems like the poster child for extreme asexuality, what with the act of Lily's love destroying him and burning Professor Quirrel. He cares for no one but himself (and maybe Nagini) and doesn't seem to possess any ability to feel anything toward his army of Death Eaters except commanding power.

No matter Bellatrix's feelings for the Dark Lord, I don't see him ever giving in and 'taking her to his chambers', to put it nicely. It is said that their daughter, Delphini was born in secret at the Malfoy Manor. Wouldn't it have been a big deal for Voldemort to have an heir?

As the last heir of Slytherin and proof that Bellatrix got what she wanted, why was she handed off to Euphemia Rowle who only watched over her because she was being paid to?

What about Bellatrix's sister, Narcissa or any remaining Death Eaters who didn't go to Azkaban?

If her guardian, Euphemia, cared that little about her, why even tell her who her parents were?

Informing her of her parentage caused Delphini to become obsessed with meeting them, spawning a crazy plot of time-jumping in the hopes of pleasing her father.

Story continues below

Delphini's existence makes no sense.

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Source: Time

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

  • 1

Sad

With its wacky plot, uncharacteristic characters, and insanely inaccurate time-line, it reads more as a poorly thought out fan-fiction than an actual part of the Harry Potter series. I'm just going to pretend the books ended at seven and ignore the fact that I ever read this disjointed train wreck.

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